Breakups are a competition, according to the least emotionally healthy person in every group chat, and the scoreboard is whoever shows up next to you in the photos. So we went through the 25 official Eon Bond films looking for the Bond girls most likely to make an ex refresh your profile at 2 a.m.
We judged on résumé, money and bragging rights: the job, the lifestyle and the story you’d get to tell at parties. Anyone who can fly a plane, run an empire or out-shoot Bond gets bonus points.
15 to 11: A respectable upgrade
15. Honey Ryder, Dr. No (1962)
Honey lives alone on a Caribbean island, dives for seashells and sells them to dealers in Miami. Nobody taught her anything, so she taught herself from the encyclopedia, starting at A when she was eight. She’s up to T. Self-made, self-taught and self-employed, which is three more selves than your ex ever managed.
14. Solitaire, Live and Let Die (1973)
Solitaire reads the future in tarot cards for a crime lord, at least until Bond arrives and complicates things. Post one photo with her and your ex will spend a week wondering what she told you about them.
13. Kissy Suzuki, You Only Live Twice (1967)
Kissy is an ama diver and an agent for Japan’s secret service who marries Bond as part of his cover. The wedding was technically fake. The photos, taken on a Japanese island three weeks after you split, would be very real.
12. Christmas Jones, The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Dr. Christmas Jones is a nuclear physicist who dismantles warheads for an international decommissioning agency. Yes, Christmas Jones made the list. Go ahead and yell at us in the comments. She has heard every joke about her name, and she defuses bombs for a living.
11. Madeleine Swann, Spectre (2015)
Madeleine is a psychiatrist at a private clinic high in the Austrian Alps. Bring her to one dinner with your ex and she will have the whole relationship diagnosed before the appetizers. She also turned down Bond the first time he showed up, which is a power move your ex has never once pulled off.
10 to 6: They will check your profile at 2 a.m.
10. Kara Milovy, The Living Daylights (1987)
Kara is a concert cellist who plays a Stradivarius called the Lady Rose. With the KGB on their tail, she and Bond escape to the Austrian border by riding her cello case down a snowy mountain like a sled. By the end of the film she is playing on a world tour. Your ex once quit guitar lessons after two weeks.
9. Melina Havelock, For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Melina avenges her parents with a crossbow, sails on her family’s yacht and stays calm while everyone around her panics. She is focused, she is fearless, and the crossbow is not a hobby.
8. Holly Goodhead, Moonraker (1979)
Holly is an astronaut on loan from NASA who is secretly working for the CIA. She has been to space. Your ex has been to Cancun, twice, and still talks about it.
7. Paloma, No Time to Die (2021)
Paloma is a CIA agent who tells Bond she has had only three weeks of training. Then she takes down a room full of armed men in an evening gown and leaves before the cleanup. Your ex has been in your life for three years and nobody wants a sequel.
6. Wai Lin, Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Wai Lin is an agent for China’s Ministry of State Security and a partner who matches Bond move for move. Handcuffed to him, she escapes down the side of a skyscraper on a banner and rides a motorcycle through Saigon, switching from the back seat to the front while it’s moving.
5 to 1: Your ex is moving to another city
5. Octopussy, Octopussy (1983)
Octopussy runs her own smuggling business from a floating palace, with a travelling circus as a front and an army of women who answer only to her. When her partner double-crosses her, she leads the assault on his palace herself. Your ex manages a fantasy football team and still lost to your cousin.
4. Pussy Galore, Goldfinger (1964)
Pussy Galore is Goldfinger’s personal pilot and runs her own all-woman flying circus. When the big day comes, she switches the nerve gas and tips off Washington, which saves Fort Knox. Pilot, business owner and the reason the villain’s plan failed. That is a complete résumé.
3. Anya Amasova, The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Major Anya Amasova is the KGB’s top agent, code name Triple X. She is Bond’s rival, then his partner, and she knocks him out with a drugged cigarette on a boat on the Nile. When she learns Bond killed her lover, she promises to kill him once the mission is done, then spares him at the end. Even her mercy comes with a military rank.
2. Nomi, No Time to Die (2021)
Nomi isn’t dating 007. Nomi is 007. MI6 gave her the number while Bond was retired, and she reminds him of it every chance she gets. Your ex’s job title has the word “associate” in it.
1. Tracy di Vicenzo, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo drives fast, gambles big and rescues Bond when Blofeld’s men are hunting him through the Alps, then escapes with him on skis. She is a countess, and her father runs the Unione Corse, one of Europe’s biggest crime syndicates. He offered Bond a million pounds to marry her. Bond turned the money down and married her anyway. Nobody has ever turned down a million pounds to be with your ex.
Bonus: Proceed with caution
Elektra King, The World Is Not Enough (1999)
On paper, Elektra wins this list outright. She is an oil heiress who runs her father’s pipeline empire, skis like a professional and bets a million dollars on a single card without blinking. Your ex would never recover. The catch: she is also the villain, and the last time Bond got close to her, he ended up in a garrote chair. Maximum jealousy, minimum survival. Not recommended.
The verdict
Fifteen women with careers, palaces and in one case a licence to kill. Tracy takes the crown on her own merits: a countess who drives like a getaway driver, rescues Bond in the Alps and comes with a father who considers a million pounds a reasonable wedding present.
Holly went to space. Nomi got the number. Tracy got the title.